28 Days to Freedom

This time wasn't the first time I had stopped drinking. I had quit for a few weeks, several times, after hitting yet another new bottom. I went to a 12 step meeting, ate healthier, worked out and swore off drinking. It was easy to quit. I'd done it a million times. It was Detox to Retox.

Most of my friendships revolved around cocktails. Drinks before dinner, wine with dinner, more wine after dinner was the norm. Hangover days where I couldn't leave the house became more of a rule than an exception. I would have to cancel appointments to pray all day to the porcelain god. I was sick and tired all the time and stuck in a cycle of destruction.

The last time I was drunk, I woke up after a night of "fun" not having remembered a thing from the evening before. I was miserably ill and scared to death that I was losing my mind, losing control, and losing myself.

It was the "Ah ha!" moment for me. I realized I was masking my true self with drinking. Instead of dealing with my real feelings and private pains, I was numbing myself with alcohol. I knew I had been doing this for a long time now - all my adult life. I was so bottled up inside, I was beginning to burst. This was not a way to live. It was a way to die.

I decided the next day I wouldn't drink for a month. I began a journal and titled it "28 Days to Freedom" setting my sights on being sober for four weeks, longer than I had ever made it before. I understand that 28 is the number of days someone would go into a detox clinic, at least according to the Sandra Bullock movie I saw. I aimed to write in my journal each day to discover the reasons why I drank and throw myself into my ever deepening yoga practice whole heartedly.

With yoga, I would have a place to put myself besides on the couch with a bottle of wine. And, I'd have the healthy support of the loving yoga community. I entered a four week period of strong physical asana, quiet meditation, and honest self study. I examined my thoughts, feelings, and actions in relationship to my drinking, the people around me, and the me, I had been avoiding for far too long.

On day 29, I felt free of my dependency on alcohol and... happy! So I kept going. I wanted to make sure I could function in the world with out being wasted.

With yoga, I was able to face my fears and resolve my anger so I no longer had the desire to drink my blues away everyday. Simply put, the yoga wouldn't allow me to keep killing myself. I credit yoga for freeing me from a life of crippling addiction and making me the happy, healthy person I am today. I am grateful to my many teachers.